______ Between the Quacks ______

                                               Having a second childhood. This time for good.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Radiohead Remake

I like this Radiohead video. . .



I remember when I first moved to Santa Cruz from the east coast. I was so happy to be in California. But I hardly knew anyone. And I would get so lonely that I would often think, irrationally, of throwing myself on the ground. I always wondered how that would help anything. I mean, would the ground make me any less lonely?


Why are we all faced with such a terrible aloneness? Everyone avoids it. TV. Cell Phones. Caffeine and busy busy busy. Talk talk talk. Radio. News. Conflict. Thinking. Thinking. More Thinking. More caffeine. Thinking about thinking. And struggling for love. Searching desperately for love.


Lately I’ve been struck by some strange other kind of love. Not one of needing and craving, but . . .well, more like something I’ve already got. It’s sort of unbelievable, but its there. I’ve spent a lot of years delving into my own aloneness. I used to live next to the cemetery where ee cummings was buried, and took walks every day around its center, a silent, lonely lake filled with geese, surrounded by a hundred ancient tombstones.


I try not to always caffeinate or busyate, frustrate, or indulginate. Sometimes I feel bad and don’t do a damn thing about it. And it does feel bad. But I just let it.


And now, lately, it feels like some of the clouds have let up. And I have this strange feeling of, well, of something being alive. Like this remake of the Radiohead video.



Like some secret world is dancing all around me. And it's a party I do not want to miss.

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